Each of us experiences loss. Whether it’s something as simple as not being able to find misplaced car keys when you are late for an appointment or, a major life-altering loss such as the death of a loved one, loss always has impact.

During the holiday season, loss of a loved one can be particularly difficult. Holidays tend to focus on the young, family and tradition. However, holidays can also be a reminder that life has changed as the result of loss. Dealing with the grief associated with loss can leave us confused, feeling isolated, joyless and struggling to find our way during the holidays.

While grief is a normal response to and process for coping with loss, we need to give it “voice”. Attempts to ignore or suppress the feelings associated with grief can result in unhealthy forms of expression. During the holiday season, we can feel guilty when we find ourselves having a good time with friends and family. How we manage those feelings determines our emotional health.

It’s been said that grief is the price we pay for loving someone. However, letting go of the pain is very different from letting go of the person. We must remember that grief has no time limit and can be a life-time process. It is important we find ways to manage our grief so that it does not manage us.

We must understand that dealing with feelings around grief can be difficult. We must plan time to do our “grief work”. First, keep your expectations realistic and achievable. If you came home from the hospital after having major surgery, you would not immediately return to your usual full household routine. Rather, you would probably want to take care of yourself by allowing others to do for you. Dealing with the loss of a loved one is like having had “surgery” on your heart –without benefit of anesthesia – so keep expectations for yourself in check. Ask for help and learn to receive help when offered. Don’t deprive others of the opportunity to share.

Together, you, along with friends and family, might find ways to create “rituals” to help deal with your grief. Simple actions such as lighting a candle on special occasions, talking with others as you recall fond memories of your loved one, sharing old photographs, hanging a special holiday ornament as a remembrance or, giving a small gift to someone in need as a memorial to your loved one, are all positive ways to manage your grief feelings. Just make sure your ritual is a “want to do” not a “need to do”.

Don’t make avoiding grief a habit. Cry when you feel like it. It’s normal and part of the healing process. Grief will always find a way to express itself, but it can be a health-giving experience when you know how to
manage the feelings associated with the grief.